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Motherhood
A Woman’s Perspective: First Race Back After Baby
By Dorothy Beal
May/June 2011
For the Washington Running Report
“Today’s the day we race!” I hummed the catchy race day song from my children’s favorite cartoon.
I felt a sense of peace as I approached the starting line with the other runners. I was present in the moment and not stressed about the time on the finish clock because it did not really seem to matter as much to me anymore.
Having recently given birth to my third child, I had dreamed about how it would feel to run as one person again---to be 40 pounds lighter with every step, to not have a foot or an arm wedged against my ribs. I dreamed of what it would be like to once again go to a race and participate rather than watch as a spectator.
I had been dreaming about this day for more than nine months and now it was race day!
Even thought I was only on the starting line, I felt like I had already traveled the first 20 miles of a marathon. Between late night feedings, dirty diapers, multiple outfit changes for my newborn son and myself, I was already exhausted.
Despite feeling tired, I was surprisingly confident as the race started and we all took off. Prior to being pregnant, my confidence came from hard workouts, tempo runs, or track sessions, and now it came from knowing that if I could endure labor three times, these 6.2 miles would feel like a breeze, no matter what shape I was in.
It took me longer to run the 10K than it had in the past, but I welcomed the extra alone time. During those miles I thought about my body. It had not returned to its pre-baby shape yet, but I respected this new body more. It was slower and bigger, but it had also given me three children. I thought about how you don’t really worry about how important a supportive sports bra is until a time comes in your life when support makes a major difference. I decided that I might be wearing black shorts, tights, and capris for a long time to come, so as to hide any minor accidents that might occur. And I finally gave up on the idea that I wasn’t one of those women whose feet got bigger after kids–it was time to go buy those size 9 Saucony Rides.
The last 100 feet of the race were my fastest as I sprinted into the finishing chute. I may have pushed it a little too hard at the end because I felt like spitting up like my baby, but I didn’t care, for all I knew I probably still had some on me from earlier that morning. Spit up, incontinence, bra issues, dirty diapers, I have to say there isn’t much I’m embarrassed by anymore.
On my ride home I focused not on my slower-than-it-used-to-be finishing time or that I felt sore from a 10K, but, more importantly, that in doing something for myself I was also doing something for my children.
Even though these three little people are in my life, I still need to make time for me. I need to make sure to take care of myself physically, mentally, spiritually, so that I am a good mother to them. Running is my outlet, my friend, my moment of peace, and food for my soul. As a mother, I need running more now than I did before.
When I got home, my four-year-old daughter asked if I had won. Before I blurted out, “No, I didn’t win.” I thought to myself, “I sort of did win.”
I replied, “Yes, I did, because when Mommy runs her best, she wins even if she isn’t the first person across the finish mat.”
“Yeah, Mommy! Good job, I’m so happy you won!”
My daughter might not understand that I didn’t actually win, but one day when she has children of her own, she will see why I feel that every race I run from here on out is a win in my book.
Dorothy Beal is a mother of three children under the age of five. She is Captain of the Saucony Hurricane Team, a National Marathon Ambassador, and she blogs about all things running at www.mile-posts.blogspot.